You are really poor when you are so broke you can't even pay attention?
A will is a dead giveaway.
He who buys a mobile home doesn't get a lot.
What's the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half.
Death and taxes go hand in hand. Taxes are murder and murder is taxing.
Did you hear about the Scotsman who punished his son for buying an all-day sucker at 4 p.m?
The man who is too big for a small job is too small for a big one.
Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
Marriage is an institution that turns a night owl into a homing pigeon.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
A hypocrite is a man who writes a book praising atheism and then prays that it will sell.
Politicians are like ships - noisiest when lost in a fog.
Yesterday is experience, tomorrow is hope, today is getting from one to the other as best we can.
Snap judgments have a way of becoming unfastened.
You don't get ulcers from what you eat - you get them from what's eating you.
It's O.K. to be a self-made man if you don't consider the job finished too soon.
To grow old outside is human, to keep young inside is divine.