What my Mother taught me...

...TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"

...RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

..about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

...LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why!"

...FORESIGHT: "Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

...IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

...about OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

...about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

...about STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

...about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

...how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

...about HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- don't exaggerate!!!"

...THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

...about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

...about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"