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Humorous Headlines

These are news headlines as they actually appeared!

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Eye Drops off Shelf

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Deer Kill 17,000

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter

War Dims Hope for Peace

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person

Lack of brains hinders research

How we feel about ourselves is at the core of self-esteem

Alcohol ads promote drinking

Malls try to attract shoppers

Official: Only rain will cure drought

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty

Man shoots neighbor with machete

Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes

Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones

Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies

Scientists see quakes in L.A. future

Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold

Economist uses theory to explain economy

Bible Church's focus is the Bible

Clinton pledges restraint in use of nuclear weapons

Fish lurk in streams

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Killer Sentenced To Die for Second Time in 10 Years

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Is not Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space craft

Kids Make Nutritious Snack

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waves Hearing

Clock Thief Faces Time

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

Bank Drive-In Window Blocked by Board

Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Stud Tires Out

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Air Head Fired

Old School Pillars Are Replaced by Alumni

Lucky Man Sees Pals Die


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