In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and
Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's bountiful
gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said,
"You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said "Yes!" And Woman said,
"I'll have another - with sprinkles." And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure
that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the
wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size
6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. Then God said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp, butter dipped lobster
chunks and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And
Man's cholesterol went through the roof
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and
Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing
stretch jogging suits.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal
fats and added copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent
double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" and
Man replied, "Yes! And Super size 'em!" And Satan said "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created HMOs ..